This story may sound rather strange to you and it will be long. That being said, I want to share my story to encourage and help people understand just how much God truly loves His children!
As I have mentioned in my blog, my father died on Monday, October 23, 2017. That day was strange as were both the previous and the following days.
A few months prior to my father’s death, I stopped speaking to him. My mother had stopped speaking to me months before. Both were due to an argument I had with my parents in May, 2016 (that story can be found on this page).
During the time of not speaking to my father, my father and many of his and my mother’s flying monkeys tried to contact me. The final 20 days of my father’s life however, everyone greatly stepped up their abuse in an attempt to get me to visit him at the hospital. Daily, usually multiple times per day, they harassed me with constant emails, phone calls, texts, messages on social media at all hours… each time I blocked one way of communication, these people found another one and I had to block it. The only good part is that not one of these flying monkeys had the courage to face me, so no one showed up at my home. They only have courage when they can hide behind a phone or computer, not in person.
Anyway, during that time, I prayed often. I knew saying good bye to my father would have been a mistake. I assumed it was simply to protect my mental and physical health, but there was so much more involved.
Early on Monday afternoon, a neighbor of ours came by to visit, as he frequently did at that time. He could tell I had been crying and asked me what was going on. I told him that my father was being taken off life support that day, and I was sick of people attacking me for not being there. He gave me some good advice that I want to share with you. (Pardon the bad language in advance – this is just how he talks. He definitely is not one to sugarcoat things, obviously, but he has a good heart.) He said, “Girl, you gotta protect your heart. Don’t let that s**t get inside you. Crazy a*s people need to mind their own f*****g business. They don’t know s**t about your situation. You do what you need to and f**k them!” My neighbor was absolutely right. In these situations, people do need to mind their own business (not that they usually do)! You also have to protect your heart and not let their hatefulness get inside you.
A little later that same afternoon, before I knew my father was gone, a good friend of mine got a word from God. He told her that He left my father on life support for so long to try to get him saved. He told her that my father talked to God about many things but mostly why I would not see him. He even argued with God, and said he was a good father to me. God showed him otherwise. My father also did not want to die with unfinished business, as he called it. He wanted to see me, but God told him that was not going to happen. He showed my father Heaven and Hell, and told him to choose. My father eventually repented and chose Heaven. About one hour later, my father was dead, passing quietly once life support was removed.
While my friend got this word, I was outside with my husband and our neighbor. I saw a monarch butterfly and it felt odd somehow. Usually butterflies are something my grandfather and I shared, but this time, it did not feel that way somehow. Also, for the time my father was in the hospital, I had an odd sensing off and on of my father fighting with God. I felt it again when I saw the monarch.
I came inside my house a bit later, and saw my friend’s message. She wrote back quickly and said yes, my father was indeed fighting in the spiritual realm for quite some time. God told her to tell me my father will see me again one day and he is very sorry. Also, it is because of all the prayers he finally got saved, and I am to continue praying for my mother. (Never give up praying for someone!! God truly hears those prayers!!)
Later on that Monday evening, I took a shower. When I was about to get into the tub, I suddenly remembered something important. Not long after my father went into the hospital, I asked God to give me a sign if my father was with Him after he died. I knew in my heart that was the monarch butterfly! And, God also told me that me not having any contact with my father for his final few months served an important purpose – not only to protect myself, but also to get my father to reach out to God when he refused to do so otherwise.
I messaged my friend with this new information once I got out of the shower. She agreed that I have my sign, that lovely monarch, that my father is with God, and also to never give up praying for my mother. God also told her those who judged and harassed me had better stop or He would intervene. Thankfully she also prayed a hedge of protection around me. I heard nothing from any of them aside from my mother after the day of my father’s funeral.
My friend also said she asked God, “Why do people wait until the last minute!?” The Lord told her, “Because they allowed the devil to take them captive to do his will,” (2 Timothy 2:25-26 “in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, 26 and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.” (NKJV) )
And, she saw this verse come up on biblegateway.com (great site, by the way!!) “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ”. Galatians 6:2 (NKJV) This is what she did for me – she bore my burden on a day I needed help bearing it.
These Scriptures also came to her attention:
Matthew 19:23-30 “With God All Things Are Possible 23 Then Jesus said to His disciples, “Assuredly, I say to you that it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 And again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” 25 When His disciples heard it, they were greatly astonished, saying, “Who then can be saved?” 26 But Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” 27 Then Peter answered and said to Him, “See, we have left all and followed You. Therefore what shall we have?” 28So Jesus said to them, “Assuredly I say to you, that in the regeneration, when the Son of Man sits on the throne of His glory, you who have followed Me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29 And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife[a] or children or lands, for My name’s sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life. 30But many who are first will be last, and the last first.” (NKJV)
My friend also said my father did not want to die, especially without seeing me. He thought he was dying too soon and failed to realize his eternity was depending on his choice at that time. Thankfully, he did realize the truth!
She also researched the symbolism of monarch butterflies. Monarchs are royalty – that is why God sent me not just any butterfly but the monarch butterfly as my sign, to say that my father is now a member of God’s royal family!
Tuesday, the following day, my husband took off work. We went out and when we were coming out of one building, I saw another monarch butterfly! What makes that especially interesting is that earlier in the morning, thinking about everything, I asked God if everything that happened was real and if so, give me a sign. Honestly, it was incredibly hard to believe and quite overwhelming. So God sent me another monarch!
Then at a traffic light, I saw a little yellow butterfly and heard my (paternal) Granddad’s voice say “Good job, Kid!” I immediately knew what he meant – good job keeping up the prayers in spite of everything. Hearing his voice again was not something that I expected to happen until I got to Heaven where he is. It was a beautiful gift.
Wednesday, after quite a bit of prayer, I wanted to visit the cemetery where my father was to be buried. I had my father’s Bible for many years, because in the late 1990’s, he had asked me to put it in the casket with him when he died. I opened the Bible and found many cards, paperwork, etc. I cleaned out the things that did not look sentimental and among these things, found a sheet of notes my father wrote documenting some of the abusive things my mother had done to me. It was quite a shock! I put it aside because I knew I could not cope with it at that time. (The notes can be found on this link, if you wish to read them, but be forewarned, they may be upsetting if you experienced similar abuse: Educational Memes About Narcissistic Personality Disorder)
My husband and I went to the cemetery. The cemetery staff kindly directed me to the proper funeral home that would take care of that, and a very lovely lady helped me make this possible. She even stated that it would be placed in the coffin where it could not be seen, so no one would know it was there. She even gave me some memory cards. I learned that my mother and worst of the flying monkeys were due to visit the cemetery and funeral home that day, but God spared me from running into them!
Two days later on Friday, the day my father was buried, I looked out the kitchen window and saw yet another monarch on the marigolds in my back yard. I grabbed the camera and could not see him when I got back to the window. I saw some movement in the flowers, so I went outside with the camera. Finally as I got close, the butterfly flew out of the middle of the flowers directly towards me, then off over the house. It was a bit of an odd experience, but beautiful.
An interesting fact – monarch butterflies are not overly common in my area, let alone in October. They migrate south from September until November, but here, usually by late October, I do not see any.
Anyway, when I came back into my house after seeing that monarch, I asked my Amazon Echo Dot to play music by Wham! I thought some fun ’80’s music that I always enjoyed might be good for me. Instead, it played Waylon Jennings’ song, “Only Daddy That’ll Walk The Line.” I did not know this song, which is truly strange. My father loved Waylon Jennings as do I. I thought I had heard every one of his songs between the two of us. Anyway, this song is about a man with a horrible wife and he stays with her in spite of it all. I suddenly remembered my father saying once my mother told him if he left her, he would never see me again. I knew God and my father wanted me to know that he felt trapped and unable to protect me from my mother’s abuse.
Later that afternoon I decided to get out the papers I found in my father’s Bible. I only found one page of notes my father kept about conversations with my mother, even though it looks like there were others (there was a part of a sentence at the top of the page). Reading his words hurt a lot, but I think I see more about why my father failed to protect me or even really himself from my mother. In fact, as I was writing a blog post about the topic, God spoke to my heart and said, “Your father didn’t have your inner strength.”
All of these bizarre occurrences have been extremely helpful. It is such a relief knowing my father is in Heaven. I really did not think he would make it. It also showed me how kind and merciful God is. I had been praying for my father for quite some time. I prayed for his salvation, I also asked God to take him before the Alzheimer’s got too bad, not to let him suffer when his time did come yet not to take him before getting saved since that was even more important. Those prayers were all answered. Every single one of them!! God even gave me signs that they were answered – my intuition, the monarch butterflies and mostly the word from God to my friend. And, although it was very hard for me to stay away from my father when he was dying, I know now that it was for an extremely important purpose! No doubt many people who read this will not believe that. They thought I should obey them and go to him no matter what. I know the truth though, and that is God wanted me to stay away as a way to reach my father! God is truly amazing!