Are you a grown adult with a lifelong frustrating, difficult or abusive relationship with your mother or father? If so, you are not alone! Many parent/adult child relationships are not what they should be.
Many people have grown up physically and/or emotionally and/or even sexually abused by the people everyone should be able to trust – their parents. For many of these people, the effects of the abuse (and often the abuse itself) continue into their adult years, leading to trouble with self – esteem, ability to trust, intimacy issues, poor choices or even addictions.
A lot of child abuse survivors continue living in this dysfunction, often blaming their mothers and fathers for how their lives have turned out, well into their adult years. Many also continue the cycle of abuse with their own children.
There are others, however, who realize that although their experiences explain why they the way they are, that is no reason to stay in that dysfunction. They realize they are damaged from the abuse they have suffered, and do not want to continue to function in that state. They want to improve themselves. They also wish to do their best to survive the still demanding, trying relationship with their parents. If that describes you, then this website is for you!
While I provide information on various types of abusive parents, I focus the most on those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Both of my parents had this disorder.
***Before you read further, I want you to be aware that although I have included a lot of information on this site, I am NOT a mental health professional. What I am is someone who has a great deal of experience with a dysfunctional relationship with my parents and who has learned a lot from talking to other people with abusive parents. If you wish to read more about me, you can read some at this link: My Experience With Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or, read my book, “Emerging From The Chrysalis” for a more in depth version. I hope and pray that the information I have included on this site and my story will help you!
The information on my site was inspired by my personal experience, and from talking with others with abusive parents. Professional advice may be much more helpful to you, as it will be more personalized to your unique situation than this site can be. If you cannot afford to visit a therapist, then check with your local county’s mental health department or local churches. Many offer counseling for free or that charges on a sliding scale.
Also, as I am a Christian, this site naturally has some information about my faith on it and how it helped me. However, I do NOT believe in forcing my faith on others. If you do not share my faith, please do not give up on this site. Much of this information can help you, no matter what your religious beliefs, even those of you who have been hurt by so-called “religious” people.**
If you are uncertain if you were abused as a child, below are some signs many abuse victims exhibit as adults:
- Do you have many “blank spots” when you remember your childhood? (In other words, periods of time which you cannot remember any details) This could mean you have repressed memories or dissociated during traumatic events.
- Do you have trouble with anger, anxiety or depression? Have you had an eating disorder? Do you self-injure? Do you have gastrointestinal problems? Aches or pains with no known physical cause?
- Do you have trouble in relationships, such as a lack of trust, inability to communicate well and problems with intimacy?
- Do you have problems identifying, managing and/or expressing your feelings?
- Do you feel numb around your parent? Or, have you and your parent stopped speaking to each other, and now you find yourself feeling things you cannot describe? Click this link for further information: Survival Mode
- Do you have flashbacks? Are you depressed or anxious? Do certain sights, sounds or scents trigger either flashbacks, negative feelings such as shame, anger or sadness, or bad memories? You may be suffering from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – a common problem for child abuse survivors.
Read the Types Of Abuse And Ways To Cope page for more information. If any of the information on that page sounds familiar, that is another very good sign you were abused.
If you are considering ending the dysfunctional, abusive relationship with your mother, then read Should I Cut Ties With My Abusive Parent?
Has your abusive parent died, or is his or her health failing? Losing one’s parent is a terribly painful event. Losing one’s abusive parent is much more complicated. For more information on this topic, read When Your Abuser Dies
When your mother (or father) has been cruel and abusive to you, did your father (or mother) refuse to stop the abusive behavior? If so, read The Unavailable Parent
If you are a parent with a difficult or even abusive child, reading through some of the Types Of Abuse And Ways To Cope may help you as well. Coping with an abusive person often involves the same type of actions, whether the abuser is a parent or child. I write more about abusive parents than children simply because that is where my experience lies.
If you are here looking for help in your healing journey, I believe my site can help you. Please feel free to take a look around. May you learn how to handle your situation, and be blessed!
I also want you to know that not everyone is simply delivered from all of the problems that result from being abused, as some preachers say they were. I don’t believe that is the norm, however. Most of us have to walk out the healing journey for our entire life. I believe that is because we learn more from going through things than being delivered miraculously. The good part is that God is with us as we go through on this journey. Psalm 23:4 says, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” (KJV) If healing from abuse is not a “valley of the shadow of death”, I do not know what is!
There is nothing wrong with you if God has not set you free from the problems stemming from the abuse you endured – it simply means you are like the majority of survivors. I have been working on my own healing since the year 2000, and continue to work on healing even now.
If you are a Christian and struggling with how to honor your abusive parent, then please click this link for information on that topic: What It Really Means To Honor Your Parents
Do you know someone who exhibits symptoms of someone who was abused as a child, or has a very challenging, even abusive, relationship with a parent as an adult? Do you want to help? If so, then click here for some helpful advice for you. That page focuses on helping survivors of narcissistic abuse, but the information is good for survivors of all types of abuse.
Questions? Comments? Feel free to contact me at CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com