This story may sound rather strange to you. It also will be fairly long. That being said, I want to share my story to encourage and help people understand just how much God truly loves His children!
About My Father…
As I have mentioned in my blog, my father died on Monday, October 23, 2017. That day was strange as were both the previous and the following days.
A few months prior to my father’s death, I stopped speaking to him. My mother had stopped speaking to me months before. Both were due to an argument I had with my parents in May, 2016 (that story can be found on this page).
During the time of not speaking to my father, my father and many of his and my mother’s flying monkeys tried to contact me to tell me he was dying. The final 20 days of my father’s life however, everyone greatly stepped up their abuse in an attempt to get me to visit him at the hospital. Daily, usually multiple times per day, they harassed me with constant emails, phone calls, texts, messages on social media at all hours… each time I blocked one way of communication, these people found another one and I had to block it, then they would find another way I had to block and the cycle continued. It was exhausting and over the top stressful. Thankfully, not one of these flying monkeys had the courage to face me, so no one showed up at my home. Apparently they only have courage when they can hide behind a phone or computer, not in person.
Anyway, during that time, I prayed often. I knew beyond a doubt that saying good bye to my father would have been a mistake. I assumed it was simply to protect my mental and physical health, but there was so much more involved that I was oblivious to at this time.
Early on Monday afternoon, the day my father died, a neighbor of ours came by to visit, as he frequently did at that time. He could tell I had been crying and asked me what was going on. I told him that my father was being taken off life support that day, and I was sick of people attacking me for not being there. He gave me some good advice that I want to share with you. (Pardon the bad language in advance – this is just how he talks. He definitely is not one to sugarcoat things, obviously, but he has a good heart.) He said, “Girl, you gotta protect your heart. Don’t let that s**t get inside you. Crazy a*s people need to mind their own f*****g business. They don’t know s**t about your situation. You do what you need to and f**k them!” My neighbor was absolutely right. In these situations, people do need to mind their own business (not that they usually do)! You also have to protect your heart and not let their hatefulness get inside you.
A little later that same afternoon, before I knew my father was gone, a former friend of mine who lives across the country from me and never met my parents got a word from God about my father. He told her that He left my father on life support for so long to get him saved. He told her that my father talked to God about many things but mostly why I would not see him. He even argued with God, and said he was a good father to me. God showed him otherwise. My father also did not want to die with unfinished business, as he called it. He wanted to see me, but God told him that was not going to happen. He showed my father Heaven and Hell, and told him to choose. My father eventually repented and chose Heaven. About one hour later, life support was removed and my father passed away quietly.
While my friend got this word then sent it to me, I was outside with my husband and our neighbor. I saw a monarch butterfly and it felt odd somehow. Usually butterflies are something my grandfather and I shared. Seeing them always brought him to mind, but this time, it did not feel that way. It felt different and significant somehow. Also, for the time my father was in the hospital, I had an odd sensing off and on of my father fighting with God. I felt it again when I saw the monarch. I had no idea what any of this meant but knew it was important.
I came inside my house a bit later, and saw my friend’s message about what God told her. I told her what I had been feeling, what my neighbor said, and even about the lovely monarch butterfly. She wrote back quickly and said yes, my father was indeed fighting in the spiritual realm for quite some time. God told her to tell me my father will see me again one day and he is very sorry. Also, it is because of all the prayers he finally got saved, and I was to continue praying for my mother. (Never give up praying for someone!! God truly hears those prayers, and I will prove it later in this article.)
Later on that Monday evening, I took a shower. When I was about to get into the tub, I suddenly remembered something important. Not long after my father went into the hospital, I asked God to give me a sign if my father was with Him after he died. I knew in my heart that was the monarch butterfly! After I realized that, God also told me that me not having any contact with my father for his final few months served an important purpose – not only to protect myself, but also to get my father to reach out to God when he refused to do so for any other reason.
I messaged my friend with this new information as soon as I got out of the shower. She agreed that I have my sign, that lovely monarch butterfly, that my father is with God, and also to never give up praying for my mother. God also told her those who judged and harassed me had better stop or He would intervene. Thankfully she also prayed a hedge of protection around me. The last contact I had with any of them about my father was on the day before his funeral.
My friend also said she asked God, “Why do people wait until the last minute!?” He told her, “Because they allowed the devil to take them captive to do his will,” (2 Timothy 2:25-26 “in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, 26 and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.” (NKJV) )
And, a bit later, she also saw this verse come up on biblegateway.com (great site, by the way!!) “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ”. Galatians 6:2 (NKJV) This is what she did for me – she bore my burden on a day I needed help bearing it.
These Scriptures also came to her attention:
Matthew 19:23-30 “With God All Things Are Possible 23 Then Jesus said to His disciples, “Assuredly, I say to you that it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 And again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” 25 When His disciples heard it, they were greatly astonished, saying, “Who then can be saved?” 26 But Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” 27 Then Peter answered and said to Him, “See, we have left all and followed You. Therefore what shall we have?” 28So Jesus said to them, “Assuredly I say to you, that in the regeneration, when the Son of Man sits on the throne of His glory, you who have followed Me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29 And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My name’s sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life. 30But many who are first will be last, and the last first.” (NKJV)
My friend also said my father did not want to die, especially without seeing me. He thought he was dying too soon and failed to realize at first that his eternity was depending on his choice at that time. Thankfully, he did realize the truth!
She also mentioned that monarchs are royalty – that is why God sent me not just any butterfly but the monarch butterfly as my sign, to say that my father is now a member of God’s royal family!
Tuesday, the following day, my husband took off work. We went out and when we were coming out of one building, I saw another monarch butterfly! What makes that especially interesting is that earlier in the morning, thinking about everything, I asked God if everything that happened was real and if so, give me a sign. Honestly, it was all so incredibly hard to believe and quite overwhelming. So God sent me another monarch!
Then at a traffic light, I saw a little yellow butterfly and heard my (paternal) Granddad’s voice say “Good job, Kid!” I immediately knew what he meant – good job keeping up the prayers in spite of everything. Hearing his voice again was not something that I expected to happen until I got to Heaven where he is. It was a truly beautiful gift!
Wednesday, after quite a bit of prayer, I wanted to visit the cemetery where my father was to be buried. I had my father’s Bible for many years, because in the late 1990’s, he had asked me to put it in the casket with him when he died. I opened the Bible and found many cards, paperwork, etc. I cleaned out the things that did not look sentimental and among these things, found a sheet of notes my father wrote documenting some of the abusive things my overtly narcissistic mother had done to me. It was quite a shock! I put it aside because I knew I could not cope with it at that time. (The notes can be found on this link, if you wish to read them, but be forewarned, they may be upsetting if you experienced similar abuse from narcissistic parents: Educational Memes About Narcissistic Personality Disorder)
My husband and I went to the cemetery. The cemetery staff kindly directed me to the proper funeral home that would take care of that, and a very lovely lady helped me make this possible. She even stated that it would be placed in the coffin where it could not be seen, so no one would know it was there. She even gave me some memory cards, and prayed for my father and I. I learned from her that my mother and worst of the flying monkeys were due to visit the cemetery and funeral home that day, but God spared me from running into them!
Two days later on Friday, the day my father was buried, I looked out my kitchen window and saw yet another monarch butterfly on the marigolds in my back yard. I grabbed the camera but could not see him when I got back to the window. I saw some movement in the flowers, so I went outside with the camera. Finally as I got close, the butterfly flew out of the middle of the flowers directly towards me, then off over the house. It was a bit of an odd experience, but beautiful.
An interesting fact – monarch butterflies are not overly common in my area, let alone in October. They migrate south from September until November, but here, usually by late October, I do not see any.
Anyway, when I came back into my house, I asked my Amazon Echo Dot to play music by Wham! I thought some fun ’80’s music that I always enjoyed might be good for me. Instead, it played Waylon Jennings’ song, “Only Daddy That’ll Walk The Line.” Usually my Echo understood me and did exactly as I asked it to, so this was unusual. Also, I did not know this song, which is also very strange. My father loved Waylon Jennings as do I, so I thought I had heard every one of his songs. Anyway, this particular song is about a man with a horrible wife and he stays with her in spite of it all. I suddenly remembered my father saying once my mother told him if he left her, he would never see me again. I knew God and my father wanted me to know that he felt trapped and unable to protect me from my mother’s abuse. This was not a way to excuse what my father did, but simply so I would understand what was happening and what he was thinking.
Later that afternoon I decided to get out the papers I found in my father’s Bible. I only found one page of notes my father kept about conversations with my mother, even though it looks like there were others (there was a part of a sentence at the top of the page I found). Reading his words hurt a lot, but I saw more about why my father failed to protect me or even really himself from my mother. (By the way, he was a covert narcissist, so he was just as abusive as my mother, but in different ways. No doubt he also enjoyed attention he got as her helpless victim.) In fact, as I was writing a blog post about this event, God spoke to my heart and said, “Your father didn’t have your inner strength.”
All of these bizarre occurrences were extremely helpful. It is such a relief knowing my father is in Heaven. I really did not think he would make it. It also showed me how kind and merciful God is. I had been praying for my father for quite some time. I prayed for his salvation, I also asked God to take him before the Alzheimer’s got too bad, not to let him suffer when his time did come yet not to take him before getting saved since that was even more important. Those prayers were all answered. Every single one of them!! God even gave me signs that they were answered – my intuition, the monarch butterflies, the word from God to my friend and even hearing my granddad’s voice. And, although it was very hard for me to stay away from my father when he was dying, I know undeniably that it was for an extremely important purpose! No doubt those people who harassed me a the time would not believe that. They made it clear that they thought I should obey them and go to him no matter what. I know the truth though, and that is God wanted me to stay away as a way to reach my father! God is truly amazing!
About My Mother…
April 19. 2019 is the day that I learned my mother had died. After 10 that evening, I was in bed, and my husband woke me up to tell me the police were here. I was stunned to put it mildly seeing a male and a female officer in my living room. They asked if Mrs. Bailey was my mother, and I said yes. The male officer said that my mother had died. She was found in her home shortly before they came to my home. I literally thought my legs would give out at this point, so I sat down. He told me that I needed to go to her home and handle the situation. I said I couldn’t. My parents always told me when they died, I wouldn’t get an inheritance and they had someone else in mind to be their personal representative. I also hadn’t spoken with my mother in almost three years. The male officer seemed quite offended by this. He then said I was my mother’s nearest relative, so I had no choice in the matter. I was in a state of shock at this point, and asked my husband to drive me since I didn’t think I should be behind the wheel.
Within an hour, we were at my parents’ home. I spoke to the officer there who couldn’t have been nicer or more understanding, thankfully. He informed me of what happened. My mother’s birthday, the Tuesday prior, she spoke with one of her out of state cousins on the phone. She complained that her chest was hurting. My mother had heart problems, so this wasn’t surprising. Her cousin called her back Wednesday and Thursday, and got no answer. Friday when she still didn’t get an answer, she called the local police and asked them to do a welfare check. When the police did their welfare check, they could see through the living room window. My mother was in a chair with her cat, Molly, at her feet. It was evident to them at this point that she was gone. Upon entering the house, it was also obvious that she had been there for a couple of days. They inspected the house, and when they saw no signs of foul play, contacted me.
My husband contacted the funeral home that handled my father’s funeral while I spoke with the officer, and soon they came by to take my mother to the funeral home. I will never forget the sound of the zipper on the body bag. It still disturbs me to this day, and I remember it every time I hear the sound of a zipper. Once the funeral home staff was gone, we went into the house. It was a nightmare. My mother hadn’t been able to clean or do laundry for quite some time. There was very little food in the house, and much of what was there had gone bad. I found poor Molly hiding under a bed, clearly very traumatized and terrified. She acted almost feral. She was always skittish but was even more so after this experience, understandably. I tried talking to her but she clearly wanted nothing to do with me. I made sure she had food, fresh water and a clean litter box, then my husband and I left. Knowing Molly, I thought some alone and quiet time could help her more than I could at that moment.
The following day, we went to my parents’ house. Knowing my family is full of people who lack scruples, I thought it would be a good idea to change the door locks just in case any of them had any keys. As my husband did that, I found a copy of my mother’s will… listing me as her personal representative and inheriting the bulk of her estate! I was still in a state of shock and this did not help that! I never expected such a thing to happen!
My husband and I also went to the funeral home. The director was a very nice, Christian man. He asked about my faith, and I said I was a Christian. He asked about my mother’s faith, and I said I honestly don’t know. He asked me to tell him about her since he wanted to know what to write in her obituary. Eventually, he stopped short and said, “I’m sorry, but I feel very strongly God wants me to tell you something now. Your mother is with Him. And, don’t worry about anything! Everything is going to be just fine.” I knew in my gut that this was straight from God, and I can’t tell you how relieved I was! My mother made it to Heaven and He would enable me to manage her estate! I was extremely worried about both issues, yet didn’t say anything to anyone about it at the time.
Later that day, I visited Molly. She was practically feral, she was so traumatized. She wouldn’t let me close to her, so from a distance, I said, “I know you know Mommy’s gone..” She let out the most mournful, heart wrenching meow I’ve ever heard at this point. I told her, “I am so sorry! I know you love her and miss her! But Mommy and Daddy wanted me to take care of you if anything happened to them, and I promise to do just that.” From that point on, she started to trust me a little more each day. Almost one month later, I was able to bring her home with me. She quickly became my constant companion, snuggle buddy and she enforces my rules with the other cats. If they don’t listen to me, she disciplines them. She is the best furry little sister ever!
I decided not to have a funeral for my mother, because those she was closest to were either elderly, sick or lived a far distance away. I figured if I didn’t have a funeral, they couldn’t feel badly for not being able to attend. Since my presence wasn’t necessary, I wasn’t even sure I would attend. The day of her burial, I got a call from the cemetery. Due to a huge mix up on their part, they had to exhume my father and rebury him before they could bury my mother. I was beyond livid! I also was still in a state of shock, so this clearly wasn’t good for me. She was due to be buried early that afternoon, and I decided to go to be sure no more mistakes were made. Thank God, my husband and best friend were also there, because it turned into a fiasco. The worst of the flying monkeys when my father was dying, one of my cousins, showed up. As my mother was being lowered into the grave, this person came over to me to tell me she was there for my mother, and I told her get lost. She’s not welcome. She smugly told me no, she was there for my mother. I called her a b***h and she said she didn’t care, she was there for my mother. She then proceeded to scream at me. Her husband sheepishly dragged her away. Poor man clearly has seen this sort of thing before, judging by how he acted. This person’s behavior proved she wasn’t there for my mother, but to scream at me. It also left me feeling as if my sanity was barely hanging by a thread. I had been through too much in the very recent past to be able to cope with her antics. As my husband and I drove away after the burial, something very odd happened. I couldn’t really pray as I was so upset. I simply said, “Help me Father!” I felt God’s rage for my cousin at that moment. I knew He was going to deal with her. How, I don’t know but I knew she was in trouble. I’ve never experienced anything like that before or since. Once my husband and I arrived home, something interesting happened. We’d had a pink bleeding heart plant in front of our home for a while, but it never bloomed. As we pulled into the driveway, I saw it had one perfect bloom! Somehow this gave me such comfort and a sense of peace.
One day about a week after my mother died, I was starting to clean out my parents’ home. I was talking to Molly while clearing off a book shelf. I found a small leather bound copy of the New Testament. In the back, I saw something interesting! This Bible was my mother’s! She got it when she was nine years old. I know this because I saw that there was a prayer to accept Jesus as one’s Lord and Savior in the back, and she signed it with the date! Immediately I knew this was confirmation that what the funeral director said was true, that my mother was in Heaven! When he said it, I knew it was true, but was still grateful for the confirmation anyway.
Over the next year, I managed her estate with the help of a wonderful lawyer and his equally wonderful secretary. It turned out fine, just as God said. Emotionally difficult, but God got me through it all.
So much more happened around this time. I could write a book about it, and maybe one day I will. For now though, I just wanted to share her story of going to Heaven to encourage anyone reading this who has narcissistic parents.
Never, ever give up on praying for them. God hears and will honor your prayers. Your parents may be saved as mine were, even at the very last moment in their lives. I have no doubt you’re angry with them, and you have every right to be. You may not even care what happens to them, and that too is understandable. Even so, pray for them. If you’re struggling to do it, be honest with God about that! I was. There were times I prayed for my parents and told God “I’m only doing this because you want me to, not because I care what happens to them.” He offered no condemnation or punishment. Instead, He answered my prayers! And, by praying for them, it helped me so much. My anger at them changed drastically over time. I released a lot of it at them, but the anger I felt about their abusive behavior became more constructive, I guess you could say. It made me want to raise awareness of narcissistic abuse and help others to heal from it more than ever.
Also, if your parent died after you went no contact, I know you feel guilty. It’s only normal. I still feel that guilt periodically. But know there was a purpose in it. God wastes nothing! He used my lack of relationship with my parents not only to protect my mental and physical health, but also to make my parent turn to Him. I know if I had maintained the relationship with my parents or even just gone to say good bye to my father, he wouldn’t have turned to God. A similar scenario happened with my mother. My distance made her turn to Him. He told me that a couple of times before she died.
Lastly, I firmly believe when we get to Heaven, we are changed drastically. How could we not change?! Philippians 1:6 also says that God began a good work in us and will perfect it until the day that Jesus returns. I’m not sure if that means we’ll be changed into the people God made us to be when Jesus returns at the end of the age, or if it means when we meet Him in Heaven, but either way, once we get to Heaven, we are different. I am positive of that! This means your parent will be different, too. Many times since my parents have died, God has told me things that prove it, such as my parents are proud of me and love me. Those weren’t things they said while they were alive! Personally, I found it very comforting knowing they are no longer narcissistic and cruel. I pray it comforts you too.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I pray it blesses you!