Upon learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, very victim experiences anger to some degree.  It’s only natural.  However, it can be very challenging too.

Narcissists have no room for anyone’s emotions beyond theirs, so they do their level best to be sure victims stifle theirs.  This especially includes anger.  No one is allowed to be angry with any narcissist, no matter what the narcissist does, period, end of story.  As a result, victims learn quickly to ignore their emotions, stuffing them down deep inside.  Learning about narcissism makes victims realize what they have done and why.  This can be so infuriating when you realize that the narcissist in your life has forced you to ignore your own real, valid, God given emotions that every single human has a right and a need to have!  If this does not make a person angry, nothing will!

The problem however is when you have ignored and stifled your anger for so long, when you finally get in touch with it, it can seem so hard to control!  It feels as if you never will be able to be anything but angry again.

Also, if you tell others about your experiences and feelings, chances are at least one person is going to tell you that you need to “forgive and forget”, which makes you feel guilty for being angry.

Still others will remind you of useless information like, “That’s your MOTHER!!”  “He’s the only father you’ll ever have..”  “Your parents are getting older.. you should treasure every moment you have with them because they won’t be around forever!”  At first, such comments can make you feel tremendous guilt and even shame for your anger.

If you are at this stage of feeling guilty, please take time when people say such things to consider what people say.  Does it actually make sense?  Just because the narcissist in your life is your parent, sibling or another relative, why should that person have a free pass to abuse you?  How does that make any sense?  And, if this is your parent, how are you “honoring” that parent by enabling their terrible and sinful behavior?

Look also at the whole concept of “forgive and forget.”  If you do this, how will you know that certain behaviors are bad next time the narcissist does them?  You’re basically setting yourself up for abuse!  I am not saying you should be consumed by anger all the time, but you should remember how it felt when you were abused so you can do things to avoid repeating that scenario again.

Instead of taking the bad advice of others, I really recommend you ignore what they have to say.  After all, they are not you.  They do not know how you feel or exactly what you have been through.  You, on the other hand, do.

As always, I recommend prayer as the place to start.  Talk to God about how you feel.  Ask Him to help and comfort you, and for whatever you need.

As your anger rises up, do not judge it.  Accept it.  Just because you feel anger does not mean you have to do something bad.  That is not what anger is.  It is a sign that something bad has happened to you.  It also can be a wonderful motivation for change.

When that anger rises up, feel it.  Do not try to push it away or ignore it.  That does no good at all, and it may cause harm to your mental and physical health.  Feel the anger, and process it.  Yell.  Write letters to your abuser that you never send.  Punch a pillow.  Tell the person off in your mind.

Do you keep a journal?  If not, now may be the perfect time to start.  Write about your feelings and experiences.  Writing can bring about a wonderful clarity like nothing else can.  There is power and validation, seeing your experiences in print.  I use an online and password protected diary, so my privacy is absolutely certain.

The more you do these things, the more the anger will loosen its hold on you.  In time, you may feel minimal or even no anger at all towards your abuser.  Chances are though, you will still feel anger at the fact you were abused, and there is nothing wrong with that.  That is a righteous anger, and that is a good thing.

If you would like information on forgiveness, please click this link: Forgiveness.  I do not believe it is what most people say it is, and have written about my thoughts on this matter for your consideration.